Plot: Lord Charlie Mortdecai, a dubiously-reputed but expert art wheeler and dealer counting on his devoted manservant Jock to save his bacon with swindled or criminal clients, is near bankruptcy due to US taxes, so prepares his aristocratic wife Johanna to selling off some heirlooms from their grand residence. That gets her even less in the mood to put up with his freshly grown 'ancestral' mustache, all to more to flirt with rival admirer Alistair Martland, an MI5 agent counting on Charlie as art expert, hence looking away from his shady deals. This time he must verify the rare Goya painting stolen from the murdered restorer Georgina and follow the fencing trail, promised a 10% insurance fee. It leads him to his reputable competitor Sir Graham, Russian oligarch Romanov's goons abducting Mortdecai perilously to Moscow, the best smuggler to the US, and obscenely rich, dirty client Krampf's Californian playpen, and Johanna to a dying duke's grand estate.
Alternative Plot: Charismatic British aristocrat and part-time shady art dealer Charlie Mortdecai (Johnny Depp) suffers from a constant lack of funds to support his lush lifestyle, so when Alistair Maitland (Ewan McGregor), a college friend and officer in MI5, asks him to find a stolen Goya painting, he accepts. But Charlie's not the only one with designs on the painting; an American heiress and a revolutionary want it too, for the artwork is rumored to contain the code to a bank account filled with Nazi gold.
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