Plot: John Carter (Antonio Sabato Jr.) is some kind of lone soldier in the middle east who looks at everyone through the scope on his rifle, until one day he gets shot a bunch of times and the government decides to reconstruct him on another planet for some reason. Naked and surrounded by hostile aliens, John Carter must fight for survival as aliens try to kill him and/or make him eat bugs. John Carter does NOT WANT TO EAT BUGS.
Alternative Plot: John Carter (Antonio Sabato Jr.) is on a tour of duty in Afghanistan as a sniper when he's wounded by enemy fire. He agrees to take part in an experimental teleportation procedure that could help his injuries. When he wakes up, he discovers he's been transported to an alien planet. As John explores his surroundings, he's captured by a group of aliens. He earns their respect when he helps them save the princess, Dejah Thoris (Traci Lords), and later battles an ambitious soldier (Matt Lasky).
Rate this movie!